Leadership in the Middle

rooster and dog face-off

From a distance, I noticed my wild and happy-go-lucky puppy, Pepper, and our self-appointed backyard security chief, Motley, playing a farm-animal version of tag.

Pepper taunted, dodged, and juked while Motley puffed up, spread his wings, and did everything short of calling in backup.

Pepper thought it was fun and exciting. She believed the engagement was play — a chance to create connection.

But Motley perceived the engagement as a threat and was protecting his flock from danger. He was literally in survival mode.

One moment. Two realities.

Because what we think we’re seeing is rarely the whole story — motivation + perception shape the entire meaning of a moment.

Perception tells us what we believe is happening; motivation tells us why it might be happening — both are needed to see the truth in the middle.

Let’s Unpack It! 💼

THRIVE model

Our motivation is almost always driven by one of two places:

Below the line, where ego, and survival instincts take over, or

Above the line, where clarity, connection, and powerful perspectives lead.

When we understand which side of the line the motivation is coming from, the behavior becomes clearer — and we can respond instead of react.

How do we unpack why something’s happening? We slow it down and look for clues. Motivation always leaves a trail.

HINTS THAT DETERMINE ABOVE OR BELOW THE LINE

Here are a few tips to gauge whether someone’s coming from survival (below the line) or connection (above the line):

1️⃣ Check the Energy, Not Just the Behavior

Does this feel tight, frantic, fearful, defensive… or grounded, open, curious, steady?

☝️ Thrive mode connects and seeks understanding - it opens up.

👇 Survival mode pulls in, shuts down.

2️⃣ Listen for the Language

☝️ Above the line sounds like:

•Help me understand…

•What outcome do we both want?

•What’s the truth in the middle?

👇 Below the line sounds like:

•I have to…

•This is just how it is.

•They’re the problem.

3️⃣ Ask a Powerful Question: What might they be trying to protect?

☝️ If the answer is connection, clarity, growth, or understanding — that’s above the line.

👇 If the answer is safety, control, pride, comfort, or avoiding discomfort — that’s below the line.

4️⃣ Question your Perspective: If I don't take this personally or have full context, what else could this mean?

This one cracks open the truth fast.

In the case of my backyard barnyard,

☝️ Pepper was playing.

👇 Motley was protecting.

Neither was wrong — just responding to what they perceived.

THE truth lives in the middle — in the overlap between their experiences.

That’s where clarity lives. That’s where leadership lives.

That’s where common ground can be found.